King Andrew I of Estonia

I mentioned in my last post that I would guarantee a day off work even when public holidays fall on a weekend when I became Estonian Prime Minister. But screw that! What I need is to be the King of Estonia, so that I could pass whatever rules I liked. Estonia has never really had its own king, but it has been the territory of Kings, as well as Czars, Führers and General Secretaries. There were a bunch of crazies who proposed that Estonia set up a Monarchy after independence, and their party received 7 percent of the vote in the first post soviet election in 1992. So I think the planets have aligned, and my destiny as absolute ruler is nigh! My first decrees, in addition to the change in public holidays, will be as follows:

• Complete ban on beige suits for men.
• Complete ban on socks and sandals.
• complete ban on the mullett.
  
• Drivers who fail to give a courtesy wave when they are let into traffic will lose their license on the spot. This should also solve any traffic problems as most drivers would be taken off the road.
  
• Aussie Rules football will be telecast live on ETV. Every game, every week.
• Cruise passengers will face a 50 Crown ($5) for leaving the ship. All these fat Americans are wearing out Tallinn's streets faster than heavy trucks! Plus they're just annoying, walking around in groups of 45 just itching to buy crappy souvenirs.
• Cars will no longer be allowed to park on the footpath. In fact I don't think they are now, but I would actually enforce that law.
• I would discontinue the use of coins. The lowest note is 2 Crowns (20c) and the highest coin is 1 Crown (10c) Most people hate ending up with a wad of worthless notes. I actually love it though, as I no longer wear out the coin pocket in my jeans or wreck my wallet. The coins that are here are pointless, so just get rid of them.
• Estonian air would begin offering direct flights between Melbourne and Tallinn at cost. Though knowing Estonian Air it would probably still be expensive, and without doubt the flights would always be delayed!
• Estonian housewives will be limited to garnishing one dish per week with dill, a reduction from the current average of 14.
• Laughing at a foreigner speaking Estonian will be illegal, no matter how badly they mangle Eesti Keel.
• Serving warm beer will result in a very large fine. Anything warmer than 2 degrees is clearly unaceptable. Military service for young Estonian men will be replaced with training on how it is unacceptable to dump a six pack of cans on the table at a BBQ and leave them out, getting warm, for people to take as they please.
  

I will fund my rule from speeding fines. Speed cameras on each of the main highways between the bigger towns would provide me with plenty of funds for building a nice palace or two. In fact, I may just restore the Keili Joa Manor to its former glory, as seen below, and rule from there. I think it would suit me nicely.